We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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