I want to stick my p in your. b.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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