I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
do herpes really smell.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
