Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
