There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
