Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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