Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My vagina is officially offended.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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