yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
two words: eviction party
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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