Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
