I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
