Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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