So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
