Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
