Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
