Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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