is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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