yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
