He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
