I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
