I just cut my nipple shaving
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
