I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
