I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
