do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
