Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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