do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
