Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
