too bad you live with your parents still
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sobbing to NWA
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
