I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
