help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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