Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
