well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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