We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
