I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
