what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
