We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize