My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
