What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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