So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
