Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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