I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
