i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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