Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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