Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm too high and old for this...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
