In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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