That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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