i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
