i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just gift wrapped bread.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
