i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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