that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
