You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
