he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
