Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
