You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
