if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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