I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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