my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
