I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
