i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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