i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize