remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
