are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize